A lot of what you describe can be attributed to a problem in your alternator or the wires that feed to and from it (exciter wire, corroded cables, etc.).

The ABS flashing light, the stalling, and the loss of radio presets when you add the load of the headlights ... perhaps your alternator isn't charging your battery at startup and battery voltage is dropping too low. You should check your voltage at startup when these symptoms are occurring (perhaps keep a voltmeter attached -- e.g., at the fuse box -- to glance at it when it occurs)? And try revving your engine a bit if they occur -- sometimes that serves to excite (wake up) your alternator if it is problematic.

Good luck.