I had many of the symptoms you describe earlier this summer with my '96 965 - a 150K mile well-maintained car. You can see my posts on this in the 960 section of the RWD forum. Because the car was always serviced at Volvo dealers, the trans filter had never been changed. Once I did this and cleaned a lot of gunk out of the pan, the transmission has operated properly for about 1,000 miles.
The OBD gave me codes touching on everything from the computer to the torque converter - since there are no codes for a clogged pump filter it was just guessing.
so my advice is drop the pan and replace screen before doing any major work like replacing TC.
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