So as suspected it was completely my fault ;-)

I had switched the park-neutral shifter safety switch, since I had one on hand and it was not starting in neutral, it had also gotten a little broken when a screw dropped down in the valley of the shifter, wasn't noticed, and got stuck in there.
my replacement was identical but the 4 prong plug was different, so no problem I cut the plug off and used my old one, did a nice splice job.

well finally I found that I had a blue and a red there at the connection and had them accidentally transposed which wasn't obvious, the two almost looked the same as they are preominantly blue..

so no schematic made sense, I didn't have a bad part to find so each part seemed ok because it was. of the different mathematics of course none made sense, I had no power at the key when it was on..

I followed my old harness from the engine plug, checked continuity and it ended up near that plug.. Of course once I found my mistake it fired right up.

now its a happy friday ! i can just put it back together. I found a coule of little sots where the wiring needs some attention. the wire to the starter missing some insulation. the engine harness plug needs cleaning up, but wasn;t the issue..

I realized when reaching down near the starter, Id left he key on and theidle air control valve was vibrating..
I think maybe the coil in it has an electromanet and it's maybe worn a bit loose in it's bore and probably just needs replacing, or something..
I'll switch that out and see if my other old ones do that. it can probably be tested out of the car... maybe I can clean it too.

I recently cleaned the flame trap. I had another car the same and that one plugged at the flame trap and it was pushing out the dipstick and spewing oil but it's just a plastic screen thing so I cleaned it up. I caught it before it blew out the oil seals.
I found a molded hose just below it, its about 3 inches long and you can't really see well in there. it was hard as a rock and full of holes. it was very cheap on rockauto..

Thanks so much, especially to Bill and Dave who put a lot of effort into helping me through all this ..