OK - been over the FAQ, and hoping someone has a quick diagnosis before I start moving through more complex steps. Here's the story:

Wife drove it - low on gas. Parked it, then dead when I tried to start it a few hours later. Dash lights come on but no crank & automatic locks don't work either. Car sat for 2 weeks while we went out of town, now back and jumped it & added a gallon of gas just in case. I got somewhere between a "slow crank" and a "cranks but won't start." Never started. Pulled off the cables and tried again - now dead although the lights come on.

Battery, alternator, cables (positive is covered in crap - have to get a brush) or fuses?

Any quick, armchair diagnoses are appreciated!

This message makes use of Steve's lexicon of turning the key from a previous post:
"1. No-crank:
When you turn the key either nothing at all happens, or
a click or series of clicks is heard.
2. Slow-crank:
When you turn the key the starter turns the motor, but at a slower than
normal speed (and maybe with an accompanying groan noise)
3. Cranks but won't start.
Turning the key causes the engine to rotate, and everything sounds
normal except the engine just doesn't start."
--
((1993 245 Classic, 115K)) ((1992 244, M47, 110K)) ((1992 244, 120K - departed)) ((1987 245, 271K - RIP)) San Diego