Don't feel bad,Nobody was born with a steering wheel in their hand, we all had to learn somewhere.

If you look in the owners manual, there should be a section showing minimum and maximum speeds for each gear. Once you memorize it, it does as good as a tach for shift points.( if it didn't come with the manual, you can get one from www.volvotechinfo.com )
Neutral would have most likely been worse, you loose control quicker. On ice you really don't want to be using your brakes, you want to use the gears and throttle to control your speed. You had the right idea, just a little rough on implimentation :-)If it's snowing , always run down a gear and plan on eating gas, if it starts getting slick, drop another and let folks pass you while telling you that you're #1 and you'll avoid this kind of fun.

ABS keeps you going in the direction the steer tires are pointed by keeping the brakes from locking...that means that you need to allow more stopping room in many cases. when you stab the brakes, the abs quickly applies and releases the brakes , if it's really slick, you keep going, without the benefit of being able to lock a wheel or two and make it dance. Keep in mind, ABS was made for those who don't know how to make a car dance on slick surfaces :-) When you get 4 studded Nokians on it, it will feel just plain nice though.

I spent a lot of years pushing a big truck, a large portion of that on ice and snow and I've been in more scary slides than I can remember ( and had a few that I wish I could forget) Once you get the feel for that trany, you'll be able to handle it fine.

Glad you walked out of it with minimal damage.
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-------Robert, '93 940t, '90 240 wagon, '84 240 diesel (she's sick) , '80 245 diesel, '86 740 GLE turbo diesel, '92 Ford F350 diesel dually