ok how to tell each gear....no easy way and since the changes are so smooth you have to start off from static and count each gear change as you move off, this is not always easy to do but there is no other way.
the gear box with geartronic is a different box so you cant really compare it properly.
as for software upgrades...these are not done as a matter of course unless it is part of an active service campaign and there arent any currently on v70 auto boxes.
the upgrades are done at the dealers discrestion depending on the nature of your complaint and what they consider would be required to fix it,the upgades usually consist of minor tweeks or changes to aspects of the gearbox shift logic or to fix minor problems that are only apparent after cars have a few years behind them and mechanincal components are starting to "wear in",it is all very complicated and not even dealers are privy to the full nature of the changes the newer software may contain.
this type of problem and this type of car cannot be really diagnosed through forum feedback or other owners websites such as this,it is just the nature of the car....
hope this all helps.

steve.