Sorry to hear of your loss. The fact is transmissions do not last for ever and yes they(the dealer techs should of known) BUT, the fact that you had a fluid sample taken at 22k with results like "high in alumium" and "abrasive" should of been a "Danger Will Robinson". So, to make it better, suggest you skip the dealer for a rebuild (they will only give you a re-manufacured unit done by the lowest bidder, i.e. MEXICO!)
Seek out a trusted tranny rebuild shop that can handle Volvos. You should get at least a 12mo/12k mile warranty with the work, and if they are good they will rebuild some fixes so as to "correct" the designed-in problems,namely allowing the trans to shift firmer, and this my friend helps in prolonging tranny life.
One more thing, I change my trans fluid every year,too often maybe, but the '97 Ford F-350 I have has 185K on it and no trans related problems, dollar-wise,not two-thousand-dollar foolish.

Volvo does NOT require that any newer cars ATF ever gets flushed UNLESS it's an AWD with issues or used for towing.

Most dealers recommend periodic ATF flushes and it's then up to the techs to check the fluids condition (color) and advise a flush. It usually looks OK until about 60K miles.

Did you ever have you fluid flushed? If not, I'm not surprized that it failed at your mileage. I've seen a few trannies go to 150K miles on original ATF so some can go farther with neglect but most don't.

BTW, you won't get anywhere trying to complain to VCNA about that or anything else with an older car and yes, a '98 is older (way past warranty).