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You know, anyone who has a dog usually names them Fido or Rex or something. Well I called mine Sex. Sex is a very embarrassing name. One day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in that alley at 4am, I said I was looking for Sex- my case comes up next Thursday!
One day I went to city hall to get me a dog license for Sex, and the clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex and he said he’d like to have one too! But I said this is for a dog and he said I don’t care how she looks. And I said you don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 2 years old and he said boy, you must have been a strong baby!
Well, I decided to get married and told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding and he said to wait until after the wedding. I said Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex. He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and wouldn’t marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married – by the justice of the peace, and my family is all barred from the church!
My wife and I took the dog on our honeymoon and when we checked in the motel, I told the clerk I wanted a room for my wife and I and a special room for Sex. The clerk said every room in the motel is for sex, and I said you don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night. And he said ME TOO!
One day I told my friend I had Sex on tv and he said you showoff! I told him it was a contest. He told me I should have sold tickets!
Well, my wife and I separated and we went to court to fight for custody of the dog and I said your honor, I’ve had Sex before I was married and he said ME TOO!
Now I’ve been thrown in jail, married and divorced and had more trouble with that damn dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day I went for my first session with the psychiatrist and she asked me what the problem was. I said hell, Sex has died and left my life. It’s like losing your best friend and it’s sooo lonely. The doctor said look mister, you and I both know sex isn’t man’s best friend, go get yourself a dog!!!
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