I'm so glad I found this group, because my stupid dealer won't answer my
questions:

1. What can I do to get rid of all the ugly brake dust? The brakes work
great, but what's more important, performance/safety or appearance?

2. What can I do to space out the rear wheels? They're not exactly the
same width as the fronts, and how could anyone drive, much less enjoy, a
stupid car like that? Won't it tip over?

3. How can I put a dome over the sunroof so the interior doesn't get wet
when it's raining hard and I have the roof open? How can I make the
sunroof close automatically whenever I shut off the engine and lock the
car, to keep the interior dry?

4. How can I make the locking remote keyfob work from further away? I
can't seem to get more than 1/4 - 1/2 of a mile out of mine. I've tried
holding the remote up under my testicles, but it just lowers my sperm
count.

5. The check engine light came on, but the engine still works. I checked
it (it's still there). Should I put a big check mark on the engine?
Where? Is the valve cover OK, or does it have to be made right on the
aluminum block? What kind of magic marker is recommended?

6. What good is Dolby Surround? It doesn't work at all when I'm listening
to Rush Limbaugh (which is all the time; he does all my thinking for me).

7. How can I make an air raid siren go off whenever I use the remote to
lock my car (otherwise I cannot tell if I've actually locked it or not...)?

8. I love my daytime running lights. How can I enable the daytime running horn, and the sunny day wipers?

9. How come the owners manual doesn't have more pictures?

10. What kind of wax will last for 250K miles? How about spark plugs?

11. How come the car keeps stopping? I filled the gas tank completely just
last year.

12. $40K for a car and it needs its oil changed? What a rip-off!

13. How come I can tell when the car shifts gears? For $40K shouldn't it
be perfectly smooth?

14. What can be done to make the car drive itself? Last night -- it was
late -- I fell asleep while driving and the car went right into a ditch!

15. What can be done to eliminate torque steer? If I turn the wheel and
floor the throttle at low speeds and make the wheels spin, I can feel that
through the steering wheel -- what a gyp!

16. What are the absolutely largest tires I can mount on my car? I want to
use 345/30-19, because they look really cool.

17. I want to use my car for autocrossing. Can I replace the springs and
struts with solid steel bars? (I also will be using the car for driving
my pregnant wife to the hospital in record time.)

18. How big of a rear wing do I have to put on my car for it to fly?

19. I tinted my rear window and then I did not notice the cop right behind
me while I was doing 220 in a 35 zone. Now I'm in jail. Can I sue the
place the sold/installed the dark tinting?

20. My car only gets 35.38645 mpg. Is that normal?

21. Every time I start my car, there is a chattering in the brakes when I
reach 18 mph. Does this mean the wheels are going to fall off?

22. I put 8 discs in the 6-CD changer and now there's no music. Can I
still listen to Rush Limbaugh?

23. Where can I get clear plastic taillight lenses for my Volvo?

24. I want to have purplish/greenish headlights 'cuz they look cool. What
kind is the coolest of all?

25. Can I make my non-turbo into a turbo?

26. Can I make my car into a convertible?

27. If I use maximum turbo boost to park my car, how many minutes:seconds
do I have to let the engine idle before shutting it off in 32.3 degree
weather? Does Celcius/Faranheit make any difference?

28. Can my Volvo run unix? It came with (power) windows...

29. If I use a razor blade to cut out the seat belts, will that void my
warranty? How 'bout my car's?

30. How come everyone keeps telling me to read my owner's manual?

- Jeb