Sounds to me that at least the valve body may need attention. Some of the valve assemblies may be sticking which will cause the slow down shift. It may also be a case of gunk in the clutch/brake packs which results in slow engagement. As for hard shifting, some of the rubber balls in the valve body may have worn from age and mileage, which according to some old postings will result in hard shifting.

Combining all your symptoms, it sounds as though your tranny may be on the front end of a failure. How many miles are on it, and has it been maintained with scheduled oil changes? If it has been neglected, (ie., few or no oil changes), and there are a lot of miles on it, then my guess is there is significant varnish build up and wear on the seals and clutch plates. In which case, you will probably need a rebuild. You may be able to drive the car as is for quite a while. But it could fail this afternoon. I would suggest having a reputable transmission shop make an evaluation. They may be willing to try an oil flush and/or a valve body servicing. This may help, it may not.

A properly performed rebuild is not cheap. But to a great degree, you do get what you pay for. If anyone else out there has a lot experience with these problems, I too would like your input. After all, I hate to pay for a tranny rebuild when it can be avoided.